i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
