what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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