Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
