What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
