I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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