New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
