I accidentally had phone sex last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
