Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
