Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
