Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
