I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
