There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I could fuck to npr.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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