Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
