My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
