so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
