from now on my penis is your penis
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
