just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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