I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
