I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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