I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
