cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it glows. i had to have it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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