Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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