Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
