Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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