he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
