There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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