so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
