New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
