In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
