the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
