Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
