Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
