Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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