How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
