the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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