I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
