Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
