So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
