she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
