If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
