I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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