I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
