no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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