I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
