My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
