His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
