I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
