I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
