yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
