I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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