My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
