im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
