Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
