Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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