I didn't shave. On purpose
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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