So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
